I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
