So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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