I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
