youre lurking in front of me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
