I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
not ubering you a puppy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
as a side note pls kill me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
