Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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