i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
