I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
