Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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