Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
