Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just gargled with NyQuil
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
