I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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