Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
