What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
