I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize