youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
