it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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