she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
