shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
