I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
