I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
