I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
