I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
