Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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