fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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