I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
