At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
