Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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