I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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