he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
and you fell through a lawn chair
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
