I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
