so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
