Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
