you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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