so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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