just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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