A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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