nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
