he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
