im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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