which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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