Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
