pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
