Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
