Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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