I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
