Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
