so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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