plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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