You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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