Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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