census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
