they need to just BURY HIM!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
