break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
