i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
