Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
