last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
