so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
