i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
