my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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