Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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