I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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