3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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