Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
