is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
