i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
