You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
