My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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