Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
