new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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