It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize