i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
